Fluctuations in sexual desire are a normal phenomenon in a healthy relationship. About 30% of women worldwide have experienced a period of decreased sexual desire (data source: ISSWSH, 2021). This article abandons the label of "sexual indifference" and focuses on scientific solutions to low sexual desire in women, advocating that couples explore the possibility of upgrading their intimate relationship in a cooperative manner.
(Physiological dimension)
Hormone imbalance: increased prolactin after childbirth/lactation, estrogen fluctuations during perimenopause;
Chronic diseases: hypothyroidism, diabetes, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS);
Drug effects: antidepressants (SSRIs), birth control pills, antihypertensive drugs.
(Psychological dimension)
Stress response: continuous secretion of cortisol inhibits sex hormones (Janssen, 2018);
Body image anxiety: appearance/figure anxiety caused by social media;
Sexual trauma experience: negative memories that have not been properly handled.
(Relationship dimension)
Emotional connection is broken: "pseudo-intimacy" that ignores emotional needs for a long time;
Sexual script solidification: repeated mechanical intimacy patterns cause burnout;
Power imbalance: hidden anger caused by unfair distribution of childcare/housework.
Strategy 1: Build a safe dialogue field
Non-blaming speech template: I noticed that we have less intimate interactions recently, and I want to know more about your feelings.
Do you need me to adjust the intensity or method of your favorite bedtime massage?
Strategy 2: Reset physical connection priorities
10 minutes of non-sexual contact every day: back caressing, foot massage, synchronized breathing exercises.
Sensory awakening experiment: blind feeding fruit, two-person essential oil meditation.
Strategy 3: Deconstruct traditional sex scripts
Expand intimate forms: read love poems while bathing together, and make sensory exploration maps.
Use the PLISSIT communication model (Annon, 1976), gradually moving from permission-based dialogue to specific guidance.
Strategy 4: Systematic health management
Medical examination list: six hormones, thyroid function, vitamin D level;
Nutrition plan: pumpkin seeds (zinc), dark chocolate (phenylethylamine);
Strategy 5: Awakening body awareness training
Kegel muscle group visualization exercises, combined with biofeedback instrument.
Mindful sex diary: record 3 pleasant physical moments (no need to involve sexual behavior).
Strategy 6: Reshape sexual meaning cognition
Reading list: "Come as You Are" and "Sexology";
Design "desire container": independent space to store photos/items that evoke memories.
Conclusion:
Low desire period is a golden opportunity for relationship upgrade
The real solution is not to "treat your girlfriend", but to build an ecosystem of deep emotional connection. When partners jump out of the "take-give" opposition framework and transform challenges into adventures to explore the possibility of intimacy, they may unlock deep satisfaction beyond simple sexual desire.
The PLISSIT model was proposed by sex therapist Annon. It is a structured communication and intervention model for solving sexual problems in stages. It is widely used in the field of sex therapy and partner relationship improvement.
Its name is composed of the first letters of four stages, the specific contents are as follows:
1. P (Permission) stage
✔Goal: Establish a safe and non-judgmental dialogue environment, allowing individuals or partners to freely express their needs and confusion.
✔Key operation: Accept all emotions through open-ended questions; such as "What do you think are the uncomfortable places in recent intimate interactions?"; emphasize that "differences in sexual needs are normal" to eliminate shame.
2. LI (Limited Information) stage
✔Goal: Provide scientific and concise sexual health knowledge and correct misunderstandings.
✔Key operation: Targetedly answer physiological/psychological problems (such as hormone effects, the relationship between stress and sexual desire); avoid information overload and only respond to current core issues.
3. SS (Specific Suggestions) Specific Suggestions Stage
✔Goal: Provide actionable improvement strategies that meet individual needs.
✔Key operations: Develop personalized plans (such as sensory arousal exercises, non-sexual contact training); combine behavioral therapy (such as mindfulness exercises, Kegel exercises).
4. IT (Intensive Therapy) Intensive Treatment Stage
✔Goal: Introduce professional intervention (such as sex therapists, psychological counseling) for complex or long-term problems.
✔Key operations: Multiple rounds of consultation and follow-up feedback; Combined with partner training (such as communication skills, emotional connection reconstruction).
Application scenarios and advantages of the PLISSIT model
Applicable scenarios: Differences in sexual desire between partners, sexual anxiety, post-traumatic sexual function recovery; Communication of sensitive topics in sex education (such as adolescents and menopausal groups).
Core advantages:
✔Structured intervention: gradual improvement from cognition to behavior, avoiding resistance caused by direct suggestions;
✔Flexibility: can stay at a certain stage according to the complexity of the problem; such as only needing the "permission + information" stage to solve simple misunderstandings;
✔Partner collaboration: emphasizes the joint participation of both parties, rather than unilateral "treatment".
Comparison with other models:
✔Compared with the PREP model (viewpoint → basis → example → restatement), PLISSIT focuses more on "problem solving" rather than simple expression;
✔Compared with the SCRTV model (situation → conflict → strategy → value), PLISSIT focuses more on professional intervention in the field of sexual health.
