1. Decide if you are ready for sex
Take some time alone to think about this decision. Ideally, you should answer “yes” to all of the following questions before having sex:
• Do you and your partner understand the dangers of pregnancy and STDs? Can you talk openly about the risks and agree on methods of protection?
• Do you and your partner trust and respect each other? Will your partner listen if you change your mind and say “stop”?
• Do your personal values align with the sexual experience you are considering?
• Would your family and community be okay with it if they knew? If your answer is “no,” are you willing to accept that fact?
2. Avoid having sex for the wrong reasons
Sex is a great way for two people in a healthy relationship to have fun and express affection. But it’s not always the reason for sex. Be honest about why you want to have sex, and understand which reasons are wrong:
• Have sex only when you and your partner really want it. If one of you is pressuring the other, stop doing it and wait until you are both ready.
• Don't try it just because you think everyone else is having sex. Most high school students haven't had sex, and those who have rarely had sex.
• Don't try to save a failing relationship by having sex. It doesn't work.
3. Talk to your partner
Once you are sure you are ready for sex, talk to your partner. [21] You need to talk about previous sexual experiences, possible STDs, what to do if you get pregnant, and your views on abortion and adoption (if pregnancy is a possibility). Tell your partner why you want to have sex. If you can't talk to your partner about these topics, you may want to postpone sex until the two of you can have that conversation.
• Make sure you are on the same page about what sex means for your relationship. Is sex just for fun? Do you love each other? Are you in a monogamous relationship?
4. Plan ahead
If this is the first time for either or one of you, or even just your first time together, you will need privacy and time. Arrange ahead of time for the protection methods you agree on so you don't miss out.
• It can be hard to keep it private, but try not to do it in your car. In some areas, it's illegal. Try to confine yourself to your own home when there are no other people around.
5. Take your time
Nothing is worse than a rushed first time. Take your time and explore each other's bodies. Foreplay is necessary to help you get excited and comfortable. This is especially important for people with vaginas, because excitement makes the vagina lubricate. Without lubrication, penetration can cause severe pain.
6. Do whatever you feel comfortable with
Sexual intercourse can be playing with each other while clothed, helping each other masturbate, or engaging in penetrative/oral sex. Enjoy each other in a way that both parties agree to.
• Just because you did it once doesn't mean you have to do it again. You and your partner can have different comfort levels on different days.
7. Have realistic expectations
Don't be embarrassed about not being able to orgasm or ejaculating quickly. These are common when you're having sex for the first time or when you're nervous. Also learn what a typical sexual experience is like, rather than believing what you hear in boasts, porn, or romance novels:
• A typical person with a penis can usually last five minutes before ejaculating during penetrative sex.
• Some people with vulvas take longer to orgasm than their partners or have trouble orgasming with penis-vaginal sex alone. They can still enjoy sex and may choose to orgasm with assisted masturbation or non-penetrative sex.
8. Let the other person change their mind
If you want to slow down or stop, say so. There's nothing wrong with feeling nervous, uncomfortable, or even painful. The best way to handle this is to take a break and then go back to something you're more comfortable with. You can try again when you're ready, whether it's five minutes later or next month.
• If your partner asks you to stop having sex, it is morally wrong to continue, even if it was consensual. In many areas, this is legally considered rape or sexual assault.
9. Talk to your partner about the experience afterwards
Did you have a good time? Was there anything that was particularly enjoyable or uncomfortable for you? The more you talk about it, the more comfortable you will be, and if you decide to have sex again, the more enjoyable your next experience will be.
10. Learn about healthy anal sex
Among some heterosexual adolescent groups, most anal sex is pressured or coerced by men into trying it. [24] Don't try anal sex if you don't want to. Be aware that anal sex is often more painful than vaginal sex. Relaxation exercises and water-based lubricants can improve the experience.
• About 10% of heterosexual couples and 66% of gay couples (in the UK) regularly have anal sex.
