Is sex not as fun as you thought it would be? Or even a little painful? Sex can do a lot for your health and your relationship, and there are all kinds of things you can do to improve it.
【一. Prepare for success】
1. Practice safer sex
It's easier to relax and enjoy sex if you're confident in your sexuality. With that in mind, make a plan to make your sex life as safe as possible. If you can, get to know your partner before you have sex and talk openly about your sexual history. Use a condom or oral dam every time you have sex, and throughout sex.
Only latex and polyurethane condoms can protect against STDs and HIV. Polyurethane condoms break more easily than latex condoms. Use a condom whenever you have vaginal, anal, or oral sex. An oral dam is a latex barrier that can be used during oral sex with a female partner. It can help prevent the spread of STDs and HIV.
Women should also consider getting the HPV vaccine to help prevent problems like genital warts and cervical cancer. The HPV vaccine may cause fainting or an allergic reaction in some people, so talk to your doctor about whether the vaccine is right for you.
2. Love your body
Being uncomfortable or embarrassed about your body can make sex unnecessarily uncomfortable. If you have body image issues that are negatively impacting your sex life, prioritize correcting what you can and accepting what you can't. Accepting your body is key to a happy self and the first step to a better sex life.
Try looking in the mirror and discovering new positives about yourself every day.
You can also learn about your body through sex. People with vaginas get more sexual satisfaction from masturbation than those without
3. Communicate openly with your partner.
Communicating with your partner can increase your sexual satisfaction and enhance your intimacy. It can be hard to establish and maintain open communication with your partner, especially when you're uncomfortable about sex and what you want. Think about what you can say while still feeling comfortable and safe.
No matter how well you think you know each other, your partner can't read your mind. If you want to change your sex life, it's important to talk about it. If your partner is truly committed to you, they will be willing to listen and respect your needs.
Communicating about your sexual needs can even be a great bonding experience between you and your partner.
4. Reveal What You Like
You need to be honest with your partner about your attitudes and feelings about sex. You should also ask your partner what they want and like. Being shy or coy will only make your partner uncomfortable, which will make the experience worse for both of you. Allow yourself to enjoy the experience, and let your partner see that you're enjoying it, too.
Don't judge your partner based on their preferences. Revealing this information can be intimidating for both of you, so listen to them patiently and don't interrupt them. If your partner likes something you don't, let them know you're not interested in it, but don't make them feel weird or sad about their desires.
Try to avoid using euphemisms. Euphemisms are unclear and can make it harder for your partner to understand what you mean. Use the language you're comfortable with, but remember that sex isn't "wrong" or "dirty," and using clear, understandable terms can help.
5. Let your partner know what went wrong
Sometimes what you try in the bedroom doesn't work. Don't blame anyone, and use "I" statements to express what you didn't like about the experience. If you're more honest about the things you don't like, you can fix them. This can only make sex better.
For example, tell your partner, "I feel like sex is too rushed. What can we do to fix this?" This statement communicates the problem you're having with your sex life, but it doesn't blame anyone. Instead, it shows that this is something you can work on together.
Phrase your thoughts in positive ways whenever possible, like "I really like you doing ____ and hope you do it more often" or "For me, such and such really works better than such and such - can we try that?"
6. Pay attention to your partner
Make their pleasure your goal. Of course, it's also important for you to get what you want out of your sexual relationship, but you should start by setting a good example. The better you make them feel, the more they'll want to take on the challenge. The key to great sex is to make sure you are processing and acknowledging your partner's reactions to the experience.
When you see your partner frown, stop. You might hurt them. When you hear your partner moan, repeat what you just did, because it might feel really good. Most importantly, pay attention during sex to make sure your partner is interested in everything you do.
If they say "no," stop immediately.
Remember that just because your partner doesn't say "no" doesn't mean they're happy with the situation. Consent is an ongoing process. After all, your goal is to get a resounding "yes!" from both of you.
【二. Mastering Performance Skills】
1. Abandon stereotypes about porn
Porn is like any other movie: they don't reflect reality. Porn is shot and set up to look good in front of the camera, but it doesn't usually reflect real pleasure or what real sex is like.
Try not to have expectations. Let things take their own course.
2. Take your time
You want to enjoy every minute of the entire experience. It shouldn't be an "in and out" process. Enjoy the entire sexual experience. Pay attention to your partner's erogenous zones and take the time to please them. Slow down and explore your partner's entire body. Don't just go for the cliché parts.
You can also play games together to spice things up. Always focus on communication, keep them guessing, and make sex fun.
Be sure to stick with the kiss. A sexy kiss every now and then is a great way to prolong the experience.
3. Focus on foreplay
Spend some time kissing, caressing, and pleasing each other before jumping straight into the main part. Foreplay can make sex last longer and feel sexier and more romantic. Many women in particular find that foreplay helps get them into the right mood, while men may be ready at any time.
It’s in your best interest to keep your lady horny. This will increase her natural lubrication and make her enjoy sex more.
4. Keep giving compliments
You should make sure your partner never doubts that you think they’re the hottest thing on the planet, or maybe even the hottest thing on the next few planets. When you see something you like, let your partner know.
You don’t have to always say it, but take the time to enjoy it. Let your partner see that you’re enjoying their body, too.
5. Use the right lubricant
Personal lubrication products can significantly increase sexual satisfaction. Using a quality lubricant is important for a good sex life, especially if your partner is a woman or you’re engaging in anal/penetrative sex. Sexual interaction involves a lot of friction, and most of the time, friction is good. However, it also has its downsides, such as chafing and discomfort. You can buy lubricants at many local stores and drugstores, as well as online. You can also get them through your doctor or a sexual health clinic.
Choose lubricant products that don't contain glycerin, which can cause vaginal dryness. Avoid scented products or other substances that can cause vaginal dryness, including douches, hand creams, soaps, or bath oils. To use lubricants properly, follow the manufacturer's instructions.
There are three types of lubricants: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. Water-based lubricants rinse off easily and are readily available in stores. They can also be used with condoms, can prevent condom breakage, and cause fewer genital symptoms than silicone-based lubricants.
Silicone-based lubricants last longer than other lubricants and are the best choice for anal sex. Oil-based lubricants should never be used with latex condoms because they can cause condoms to break.
6. Make some noises
During sex, try making some noises to show your appreciation for your partner. Of course, you don't want to be too dramatic, but making some basic moans and gasps not only lets your partner know when you're feeling good, but also when you should go a little further. This also tells the other person that you're enjoying the experience. This will increase their pleasure and encourage your partner to put in more effort.
A recent study showed that couples who make noises during sex tend to have better sex. So just do what feels natural to you, and if you want to make noises, let it go.
【三 Try new things】
1. Enjoy your fantasies
You don't need to indulge in everything you like in bed, but some basic kinks can really add variety and fun to your sex life. The problem is that sex can easily become a routine, especially when you've been with someone for a while. To keep it going or make it better, you want to break the monotony. Nothing says "goodbye to monotony" like silk blindfolds, furry handcuffs, and a fun game of Bad Cop.
You should also try sex toys. Adding sexual materials to your sex life can increase your satisfaction, and most sex toys can bring pleasure to both parties.
Other sex materials may also help to spark some sparks in your love life. Do some research to see what you might be missing.
Many people have very specific sexual fantasies but are too shy to share them with their partners. If you feel comfortable with your partner, then share your fantasies with each other.
Be sure to discuss these fantasies openly with your partner. Neither you nor your partner should feel pressured to try something they're not comfortable with.
2. Make Things Unpredictable
You may know how to make your partner orgasm instantly, but that doesn't mean you should. Sex should happen naturally and feel spontaneous. If you and your partner have sex at the same time every day or night, it's time to change it up.
Try variations in sex positions, sex locations, who's on top, and what extras you use.
3. Try New Positions
Changing sex positions can increase sexual satisfaction. Trying new positions can make you and your partner feel better. Some positions give you more control and increase pleasure for your partner.
If you and your partner are male and female, you can try side-by-side positions. If one or both of you have back or joint pain, or are uncomfortable due to penis size, side-by-side positions can offer more control and comfort. In these positions, both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction. There are many variations, so find the one that works best for you.
【四. Seek external help】
1. Find some resources
You can find inspiration in erotic stories—many women have a soft spot for Fifty Shades of Grey—but it's also a good idea to check out some "guides" on how to improve your sex life. Look for books written by sex experts. It can also be helpful to find resources tailored to your stage of life; there are resources for LGBTQ people, the elderly, and so on.
2. Go to the doctor
Some causes of sexual dysfunction are medical, especially for people with penises. For example, erectile dysfunction is often caused by conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, or obesity, although stress can also cause erectile dysfunction. If you have physical problems that affect your sex life, talk to your doctor.
Many diseases that cause sexual dysfunction are treatable. Don't be embarrassed to see a doctor; sexual problems are very common and your doctor may have been dealing with them.
3. Consult an expert
Sometimes couples have problems with their sex life that they can't seem to solve on their own. This is perfectly natural. If your sexual problems persist, it may be helpful to see a couples therapist who specializes in sex therapy. A sex therapist (or a couples therapist who has received training in sex therapy) knows the questions to ask to help you and your partner discover what's causing your problems in the bedroom.
Talking about your sex life with strangers can be extremely awkward, but sex therapists must abide by the same rules of confidentiality as all mental health professionals. They are here to help you and will not judge you or discuss your problems with anyone.
