In a kink context, protocol is any set of rules that govern the interactions between a dominant partner and a submissive one. Most BDSM couples have at least a few rules that dictate the way they play, even if they’re unspoken. The most obvious one is the use of titles, which usually takes the form of the submissive partner calling the dominant partner “Sir” or “Mistress” (or “Daddy” or “Boss Hog” or “Master”) as appropriate.
High protocol just means having a lot of rules in play at any one time, or having rules that are very formal, specific, or strictly enforced.
♦ How to enjoy high protocol play
Because having a whole lot of rules can be a stressful (as well as fun) high protocol is often only observed for limited periods of time. You might have a high protocol evening or a high protocol meal, or simply observe your high protocol rules while spending time in the bedroom.
It’s powerful to observe rules. It reminds the submissive partner that they are owned, and reinforces the control of their dominant. Indeed, it almost doesn’tmatterwhat rules you adhere to when playing with protocol. Anything can be powerfulif it is strictly enforced.
You can make your partner bake you muffins every weekend, or present themselves to you as a human footstool. The form that your high protocol play takes can be malleable. You should do whatever works for you.
But, if you’re looking for some inspiration or some starting points for mapping out your high protocol BDSM play, here are some ideas to get you started…
♦ High protocol play ideas
Eye Contact Restrictions
The submissive partner must avert their gaze from the dominant partner unless instructed otherwise. When doing this it’s better that they direct their eyes demurely to the floor, rather than looking out a window or staring into space like a bored employee.
Alternatively, the submissive partner must look to their dominant’s face at all times. Notpersonallyone for me, but I gather some people dolovebeing the centre of attention.
Positioning
When not doing something else, or when first presenting themselves to the dominant partner, the submissive partner should adopt a certain position. A gold standard is kneeling on the floor with knees spread and arms crossed behind their back.
The submissive partner can also be required to learn several positions and adopt them on command. TheRestrained Elegance Lexicon of Slavegirl Positionsis thede factoillustrated repository of different positions. Give it a read. It’s really quite entertaining.
Titles
Whenever speaking to the dominant partner, the submissive should use an agreed upon title. “Sir” or “Mistress” are the traditional ones, but “Daddy” is also pretty popular. If you want to go full military, make the title the first and last word that they use in every utterance.
Service
The submissive partner must perform certain tasks for the dominant partner on request. These might include making coffee the way they like it, polishing shoes, preparing a meal, or preparing their own body for sex or play.
These can take the form of standing orders as well. During a meal it can be the submissive partner’s responsibility to refill the dominant partner’s glass whenever it’s empty. Or, of a morning, they might be ordered to rise first, make a cup of tea, and then kneel beside the bed until the dominant partner is ready to wake. Cute, eh?
Inspection
The submissive partner must prepare themselves to a high standard before the arrival of the dominant partner, or on request. This can include bathing, wearing perfume, dressing a certain way, douching, inserting a butt plug, masturbating until wet/hard/otherwise ready, and so on.
Some couples have a rigid set of rules that govern this. These might include a schedule for the submissive partner to shave or wax, to fix their nails, to visit a hairdresser. Others couples are more fluid, specifying only that visible effort must have been made in preparation for the dominant partner’s arrival.
Presentation
The submissive must take care to conduct themselves in certain ways. They must, for example, stand up straight, always use both hands when giving something to their dominant partner, always stand with their hands behind their back when not doing anything else, or always remember to kneel when presenting themselves to their dominant.
The rules by which waiting staff in highclass establishments conduct themselves make some good guidelines. Note that in a formal setting waiting staff tend to use their whole hand to gesture rather than pointing, since pointing can be considered rude. They never reach across diners, and they will always prefer to lead you to a table rather than indicating it from afar.
Permission
The submissive partner must not take certain quotidian actions without permission. They might be mandated to ask for permission to use the bathroom, or they might have to use a gesture to obtain permission to speak to the dominant before doing so.
When fucking, it’s not uncommon to require that a submissive partner asks for permission before coming, although the efficacy of this depends on how orgasmic the submissive is. One of my lovers and I have a standing arrangement that she must wait for permission before swallowing any come that ends up in her mouth. I highly recommend it.
At rest
When not doing anything else, the submissive partner can be instructed to return to a specific spot or adopt a specific posture until told otherwise or dismissed. Some dominants like to keep their submissive partner close at hand so that they can serve them if required. Some prefer to keep them out of the way, in a corner of the room.
