Consensual NonConsent (CNC for short) is the blanket term for sexual acts where the people involvedpretend, for the purposes of their mutual enjoyment, that one of them doesn’t want it.
You might also hear it referred to as “play rape”… but that’s an needlessly alarming term. For the purposes of this article I’m going to stick to “CNC” (or the wonderfully baroque “ravishment”).
If the idea of CNC appeals to you, you’re in good company. Many,manypeople are turned on by the idea of being forced into a sexual act, or forcing someone into a sexual act. CNC is a safe and playful way of exploring these dark fantasies.
Like anything that concerns human sexuality, CNC is complex. This guide is intended to help you and your partner(s) explore CNC in a way that’s fun, safe and exciting for everyone involved.
♦ Ashamed of CNC fantasies?
It’s common to have a little trouble squaring one’s desire to engage in CNC with one’s desire to be a good human. It feels wrong. Why do we derive enjoyment from acting out something that is (when done “for real”) a horrifying and destructive crime? What does it mean about us as a person that we’re into CNC?
The answer is… not much.It’s incredibly normal to be turned on by the idea of CNC. In fact, by some measuresmore than halfof people are into it. Those whoaren’taroused by the idea of CNC are in the minority.
If youareinto CNC, you’re not a bad person. You are a normal human being with normal human desires.
Remember: many fetishes and kinks involve enacting fantasy versions of things which, when they happen for real, are godawful. Nobody wants to be tied up and kept prisoner. Nobody wants to be whipped for disobeying arbitrary rules. Nobody wants to be captured by pirates and forced to walk the plank.But all of these things can be fun to explore through fantasy play, in a context where the harm has been removed.
♦ What exactly is CNC play?
People play with the idea of consensual nonconsent in a lot of different ways. Quite often,roleplay is a big element– one or both of the people involved will pretend to be someone else. For example you and your lover might pretend to be:
• A burglar breaking in and happening upon a sleeping victim
• A police officer abusing their powers with an arrestee
• A teacher taking things too far with a student
Equally, though, you can just be yourselves. There doesn’t have to be an elaborate scenario, and you don’t have to use your imagination. Here are some subcategories of CNC that don’t involve much roleplay.
Rough sex
If you and your partner both enjoyengaging in rough sex, this can be a good basis for CNC play. Usually this involves a period of playfighting, during which the dominant partner will overpower, pin down and “forcibly” have their way with the submissive partner – a rough fuck which is all the more satisfying for the struggle which preceded it.
Hypnosis
You don’t need to have special powers to be able to use hypnosis – the only really essential ingredients are a willing partner and knowledge of a few basic routines. Hypnosis can do a range of fun CNCrelated things. You could, for example, use hypnosis to put your partner to “sleep” before ravishing them, or use it to make a roleplay scenario feel extra realistic.
Blackmail
At the other end of the spectrum from physical coercion is blackmail. That is pretending that you’ll divulge sensitive information about your partner in order to “coerce” them into doing something sexy.
♦ How to enjoy CNC safely
What’s at risk when you engage in CNC? If you’re thebottom(the person being ravished), the main risks are:
• Being unintentionally injured during rough play
• Not enjoying the experience because it’s too intense
• Wanting to stop the scene but not being able to
If you are atop(the person doing the ravishing) the main risks are:
• Unintentionally injuring someone during rough play
• Accidentally pushing someone too far during a scene
These risks are more of a concern during CNC play than during normal play, because (due to the nature of CNC)it can be more difficult to tell when someone really does want to stop.
So, as sensible, personally responsible human beings, how can we avoid these scenarios?
Play with someone you know and trust
CNC requires trust. The less you know a person when you engage in CNC with them, the more likely it is something will go wrong.
This goes for both the top and the bottom. The top needs to trust that the bottom is true to their word andknows what they’re agreeing towhen they agree to a CNC scenario. The bottom needs to trust that the topwill stick to any limits agreed.
Talk it through beforehand
Even in a CNC scenario, there may be some things that you still have to avoid. For example, you don’t want your partner to accidentally trigger your allergies, or manhandle you in a way that could exacerbate an existing injury
You can avoid these negative experiences by talking through the scene in detail before you start, or sticking to activities that you already know are safe with your partner. In the midst of a CNC scene isnotthe time to try something new and hope that your partner is into it.
Play in an appropriate space
In the course of a scene you and your lover may make noises that, to your innocent elderly neighbour, sound somewhat alarming.
Likewise, if you engage in the extremely exciting (but also extremely risky) game of doing CNC stuff outside, you might be seen by someone who doesn’t know that what they’re seeing has all been negotiated beforehand.
Needless to say, having to explain the details of your rather fruity sex life to a police officer is not a fun experience. To avoid having to interact with the cops, pick your time and place with care, and with respect for the people around you.
Consider a safeword
Asafewordis a preagreed word which can be said by either party at any time in order to bring the scene to an end. There are many reasons to use your safeword:
• Things are a bit more spicy than you anticipated and you’re not enjoying it
• You’ve just pulled a muscle in your back
• You want to pause and make sure your partner is still enjoying the scene
People often think of safewords as something associated with BDSM in general, butthey’re actually specifically designed for CNC scenes. After all, at any other time, you can simply ask to stop or take a break.
When you’re acting out a CNC fantasy is one of the only times when you may want your partner to ignore words like “stop” or “wait a minute” or “no”. For these scenes, have a safeword. The traditional one is “red”, but you can use whatever term you like.
Be aware of freezing
Some people, during scary or intense experiences, freeze up and lose the ability to speak. For some people this paralysing feeling of terror and adrenaline is an exciting, desirable part of CNC play. For some people it’s unpleasant and scary, and can interfere with your ability to use your safeword if needed.
What to do about this?
As a bottom, if youknowyou are prone to freezing up,tell your partner. It isyourresponsibility to pass on this important information about the way your body behaves. Knowing that you might freeze during an intense scene and failing to inform your partner of this fact is an irresponsible thing to do.
Of course, not everyone knows that they might react by freezing until it happens. Thus the top is also responsible. As a top, you shouldpay attention to your partner throughout the scene, and look for signs that they’re struggling to communicate. Things like:
• Mouthing words but not actually saying anything
• Going extremely pale
• Shivering violently
• A sudden absence of any reaction when theywerereacting before
• A glassy, notquitethere stare
If you notice any of these things – or if you just want to be sure your partner is still enjoying themselves – check in with them. Talk to them, and be sure that you can get a coherent response (notjust them saying what you tell them to say) before carrying on.
Consider aftercare
Most people have some requirement for aftercare following a CNC scene. Even if the scene is based on a brutal or cruel fantasy premise,you should still factor in aftercare. Even if leaving your partner sobbing and broken and alone is part of your prenegotiated good time, you should plan to check in with them after the scene is over, ascertain that they are okay, and take care of any needs they have.
Make time for aftercare, and make sure you understand what your partner might need before the scene begins.You can read more about aftercare here.
♦ An index of CNC roleplay ideas
There’s an element of roleplay in a lot of CNC. Roleplay is very much like playing a part in a play. So here are some scenarios and stock dialogue to get you started.
Rejected Suitor (Variation One)
The top and bottom have been out on a date, and have ended up alone together. The top tries to kiss the bottom, and the bottom declines. Angry at being rejected, the top forces themselves on the bottom, accusing them of being a tease and/or leading them on.
Stock dialogue:
“You little pricktease. How dare you say no to me.”
“You came home with me. You must have known this was going to happen. You must have wanted it.”
“You’re going to give me what I want, or I’m going to take it.”
Rejected Suitor (Variation Two)
The top and the bottom have been out together on a first date. They end up in bed together, making out and touching. The bottom, being a chaste and respectable young person, tries to slow things down, saying that they don’t want to go any further tonight – maybe next time. They don’t want to rush things. The top refuses to listen.
Stock dialogue:
“Shhh. You’ll like it once we get started.”
“No way. You got me started, so now you’re going to finish me.”
“I know you want it really. Just let me take care of things.”
Burglary Gone Wrong/Right
The top is a burglar, who discovers the bottom “asleep” in bed during a robbery. While the bottom is “unconscious” they examine them, and decide that they want the bottom more than they want the bottom’s widescreen TV or jewellery. They undress themselves, “wake” the bottom with a hand over their mouth or a knife to their throat, and proceed to have their way with them.
Stock dialogue:
“Don’t look at my face. Keep those eyes shut and I might just let you go.”
“This is happening. Doesn’t matter how much you cry about it.”
“You better keep quiet. If you make a noise I’m going to have to hurt you.”
Detention (Variation One)
Includes elements ofageplay.
The bottom is a student, the top a teacher. After misbehaving in class, the bottom has been kept behind. The top lectures them about their behaviour, perhaps making them write lines on a blackboard, or stand in the corner. When the bottom persists in talking back to the top, the top becomes frustrated and graduates to a more physical punishment.
Stock dialogue:
“You’ve been asking for this for a long time.”
“Over the desk. Now.”
“It’s too late to say you’re sorry. Shut your mouth and keep it shut.”
Detention (Variation Two)
Includes elements ofageplay.
The bottom is a student, the top a teacher. The bottom has been flirting with the top during class for weeks now, teasing them while being safe in the knowledge that the top cannot do anything without risking their job. When they find themselves alone together one day after school, the top finally snaps and takes what they want.
Stock dialogue:
“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do this for.”
“Now you’re finally going to get what you deserve.”
“This is what happens when you play with the wrong person.”
Detention (Variation Three)
Includes elements ofageplay.
The top is the bottom’s favourite teacher. The bottom is a teacher’s pet, fawning over them with a relatively innocent crush. One day, the bottom volunteers to stay behind and help the top with some mundane task: cleaning board erasers or shredding old papers. All the bottom wants is to be helpful to their crush… but the top, seeing an opportunity, coerces them into a whole lot more.
Stock dialogue:
“You like me, don’t you? Well… this is what you do for people that you like.”
“Don’t tell anyone about this, okay? This is our little secret.”
“You’re special. You’re not like the others. You’ve always been my favourite student.”
Doctor’s Office (Variation One)
Includes elements of medical play.
The bottom is attending a routine appointment for a general checkup. The top (a doctor) runs them through some basic tests: taking their pulse, measuring blood pressure, etc. Then, slowly, the top starts to demand more. They have the bottom take off their clothes for an exam, but then order them to take off their underwear too. They might restrain them for another exam, or subject them to humiliating or invasive tests, gradually working their way up to a serious assault.
Stock dialogue:
“If you continue to be uncooperative I may have to restrain you.”
“This may be a little uncomfortable, but I’ll be as quick as I can.”
“Hold still!”
Doctor’s Office (Variation Two)
Includes elements of medical play.
The bottom has been brought in to undergo an unspecified experimental treatment. The top (a doctor) straps them down and then proceeds to force themselves on the bottom, all the while suggesting repeatedly that it’s for their own good, and that this “treatment” will be, in some way, corrective for the bottom.
Stock dialogue:
“You really must calm down. This is the only treatment option we had left.”
“You must endure the discomfort, I’m afraid. It’s the only way.”
“Note: the subject is protesting vocally, but the treatment appears effective.”
Arrested (Variation One)
The top is a police officer, who has arrested the bottom and is threatening to the throw them in jail for the night. The bottom desperately wants to avoid this. The bottom tries to bargain – hoping that maybe they can pay off the police officer with money, or with a sob story. The top coerces the bottom into providing sexual favours in exchange for their freedom.
Stock dialogue:
“You’re going to be in real trouble if they found out you tried to bribe me.”
“You want to spend the night in jail? No? Bend over, then.”
“It’s just you and me here. No cameras. Nobody else. You better do what you’re told.”
Arrested (Variation Two)
The top is a police officer, who has arrested the bottom and is processing them ready for the cells. They take away their possessions and force them to strip for a “search”. One the bottom is naked and defenceless, the top forces themselves on the bottom.
Stock dialogue:
“Don’t struggle. I’ve done this to plenty of scumbags like you.”
“It’ll be over soon. Just stay still and take it.”
“I knew I was going to fuck you just as soon as I saw your cute little tits/arse/cunt.”
In Prison (Variation One)
The bottom is thrown into a cell with the top. It’s their first time inside and they’re disorientated and nervous. The top, an experienced inmate, takes advantage of this, and forces themselves on the bottom.
Stock dialogue:
“You’re my bitch. What are you? I own your arse.”
“Better get used to this. I’m going to be having you every day from now on.”
“Shut your mouth. You make too much noise and I’m really going to get angry.”
In Prison (Variation Two)
The bottom has been in jail for some time, and has found that the only thing they have to barter with is their body. They reluctantly allow the top, an experienced prisoner, to fuck them in exchange for cigarettes, extra food, protection, etc.
Stock dialogue:
“You better make this worth my while, or you get nothing.”
“Stop whimpering. You’re getting a good deal here.”
“Squeal for me piggy/bitch/cunt. I like a little noise.”
Fantasy Adventure (Variation One)
The top is a fantasy hero or adventurer. They come across the bottom in a glade after days of travelling. They bottom is an innocent, fey creature interested mainly in music and play and the prettiness of flowers. The top has baser interests. They lure in the bottom under the pretext of a game, and then brutally take advantage of them.
Stock dialogue:
“I’ll be you’ve never been properly fucked before, have you?”
“Flower collecting is a lot of fun. Maybe I can show you how I have fun.”
“I know exactly what dumb beasts like you are for.”
Fantasy Adventure (Variation Two)
The top is a “hero” on a quest specifically to hunt down and capture one of the bottom’s kind. They have succeeded… but rather than taking the captured specimen back to the city for further study, they decide to enjoy the pretty little creature first.
Stock dialogue:
“Pretty little thing, aren’t you? Would be a shame not to use you.”
“You’re better/tighter/more lively than a human woman.”
“Don’t fight. I want you in good condition, but I won’t hesitate to hurt you if I have to.”
A Rigorous Interview
The top is a CEO conducting a job interview, which starts out relatively innocently. When they learn how badly the bottom wants the job, however, they decide to take advantage of them, and coerce them into providing sexual favours in return for more favourable consideration.
Stock dialogue:
“This is just how things are in the industry. You’ll learn that soon enough.”
“I could really help you out… if you’re willing to do just one little thing for me.”
“Do you really want this? Really? You’d better prove it to me, then, hadn’t you?”
Business Rivals
The bottom is new in town, and has recently set up shop close to the top, and begun poaching their customers. The top is displeased, and has warned the bottom several times to back off and find their own territory. The bottom has ignored these warnings. Now, incenced, the top tracks down the bottom while they’re alone at the end of a long day and subjects them to a humiliating and prolonged assault in an effort to force them out of town.
Stock dialogue:
“I warned you, didn’t I? You should learn to listen. It’s your fault this is happening.”
“This is what you get for crossing me. You should have known better.”
“You going to cry? I want to see you cry. I’m not going to stop until I see some tears.”
Initiation (Variation One)
The bottom has already been subjected to a lengthy initiation. They’ve been dunked in cold water, ragged around, humiliated and spanked with paddles. Now they finds themselves alone with the society president in a dingy basement room. Things have gone way too far. They didn’t know the initiation would be this rough when they signed up, and so they try to explain that they want out. Surely the president will listen. Actually, inured to the whinging of society pledges already, the president simply has their way with the bottom despite their protests, telling them throughout that it’s part of the initiation and that it’s too late to back out now.
Stock dialogue:
“This is what you signed up for.”
“It’s too late to say no now.”
“Stop whining. Everyone has to go through initiation.”
Initiation (Variation Two)
The bottom and the top have been paired up for the purposes of the bottom’s initiation. They’re supposed to enact some fairly banal initiation game. Maybe the bottom is supposed to be the top’s “slave for a day”, or has to tidy the top’s dorm room. Once they’re alone, however, the top forces themselves on the bottom, using their position within the society for leverage.
Stock dialogue:
“Nobody will believe you if you tell them about this.”
“You’ve got to do what I tell you. Those are the rules.”
“Who are you? You’re nobody. I’m the society treasurer, so you’d better do as I say.”
Scifi Slave Auction
The top is an alien overlord, who has purchased the bottom, who has willingly sold themselves into bondage in the hopes of being able to see the galaxy. The bottom has watched way too muchDoctor Who, and is expecting nonstop fun and adventure amongst the stars. Instead, their new alien owner wastes no time in brutally and repeatedly forcing them into a series of perverted sex acts.
Stock dialogue:
“You will do as you are told.”
“Your vocalisations are quite pleasing to me.”
“This is just the beginning. Now that you’re mine, this will be your life.”
Just Good Friends
The top and bottom are watching a film together. They’re friends. Everything is normal and relatively cosy. Slowly the top edges closer to the bottom, and begins touching them. The bottom pulls away, but this only causes the top to become more insistent, and ultimately violent. The bottom might try to ignore or deny the situation, distract the top, or remind them of their friendship – ineffectively, of course.
Stock dialogue:
“You can do this for me. We’re friends, remember?”
“It’s me. You like me. I know you like me. And you’ll like this. I know you will.”
“I’m so fucking horny. You’re going to have to do something for me.”
Abduction (Variation One)
Includes elements of bondage.
The top has kidnapped the bottom and is now keeping them chained to a radiator. They intend to return them unharmed once a ransom is paid… but lose their temper when they find out that the ransom won’t be paid, or when the bottom is not deferential enough to them. Furious, they force themselves on the bottom.
Stock dialogue:
“Nobody’s coming to save you. You’re mine. I can do whatever I want to you.”
“You cost me the ransom money – so now you’re going to pay.”
“Go ahead. Scream all you want. It’s not going to stop this from happening.”
Abduction (Variation Two)
Includes elements of bondage.
The top has kidnapped the bottom expressly for the purposes of turning them into a sexual slave. The bottom wakes to find themselves in a dark room, chained to a bed. The top patiently explains what’s going to happen to the bottom over the next few weeks, and then begins proceedings by forcing themselves on the bottom for the first time.
Stock dialogue:
“Nobody knows you’re here. There’s no escape. This is your life now.”
“I’m going to be rough with you. That’s a given. But don’t worry; you’ll get used to it.”
“Your body is mine now. It belongs to me.”
CNC tricks, tips and mindfucks
Here are some fun and interesting tricks that can be used in almost any CNC scenario.
Ripping clothes
Ripping off someone’s clothes is huge fun, and is a pretty intense thing to do.
Most people prefer not to have their wardrobe decimated during a scene, so you shouldnegotiate beforehand if clothes are going to be ripped. The bottom can then choose clothes they aren’t super attached to… or buy some thrift store clothes especially for the scene.
Keep quiet
Sometimes it’s important not to make too much noise – you may be staying in a place with thin walls or nosy neighbours. Having the police turn up at your door because of a concerned neighbour willreallyruin your scene.
Fortunately, it’s easy to keep things quiet. In most roleplay scenarios a hand over the mouth and a whispered instruction to “keep quiet or else” will only add to the excitement.
Knifey spooney
A knife held against the throat is something which features in a lot of CNC fantasies. If you have a safe “play” knife (or have negotiated and gotten used to playing with knives), this is something you can go ahead and do relatively safely.
Of course, a lot of people are leery about involving an actual knife. If that’s you, don’t. Use the handle of a tablespoon instead. When pressed gently against the throat of a willing victim it feels indistinguishable from a knife.
Leave no evidence
If you’re fluid bonded with your partner, you may consider using a condom during a CNC scene – under the pretext of not wishing to leave behind any evidence of your “crime”. Using a condom when you normally would not defamiliarises the experience, and can make things even more exciting.
Start small
Having trouble getting started with CNC stuff? It can feel weird to launch right into a really involved roleplay scene like the ones described above. So why not start with something smaller.
Play a game where the top’s goal is to kiss the bottom, and the bottom’s goal is to (politely) refuse them. The top can slowly ramp things up, becoming more and more insistent. No dialogue and no imagination is needed; this is a fun and easy way to experiment with a CNC dynamic.
Change your vocabulary
If you and your partner are roleplaying, there’s a really simple way to add to the illusion that you’re not yourselves; change your vocabulary. If you always refer to your partner’s genitals as their “cunt”, switch things up and use “pussy” for the duration of the scene.
Again, the purpose here is to disfamiliarise things, and to make your partner feel like you’re a stranger… even though you’re not.
