If one of your goals for the new year is to rev up your intimate life, consider one popular activity often recommended by sex therapists to couples looking to explore their desires: the Yes/No/Maybe list.
The Yes/No/Maybe list.
The Yes/No/Maybe list is an activity designed to help partners explore and share their erotic interests, including what they&39;d be curious about trying, what they already know they love from past experiences, and what&39;s a nogo. It&39;s perfect for couples or any set of sexual partners interested in learning about each other&39;s fantasies and seeing what overlapping areas of interest exist between them.
So, how does it work?
First, each of you will get your own individual copy of alonnnnglist of sexual activities, fantasies,kinks and fetishes, accessories, and more. There are lots of versions of this on the internet (we link some of our faves below), but some possible line items that might appear on the list include:
• Anal sex
• Pegging
• Fingering
• Dirty talk
• Sexting
• Making videos
• Threesomes: FFM
• Threesomes: MMF
• Group sex
• Public sex
• Mutual masturbation
• Spanking
• Biting
• Choking someone
• Being choked
• Bondage: being tied up
• Bondage: tying someone else up
• Role playing
• Outdoor sex
• Double penetration
• Erotic massage
• Watching porn together
• Watching porn alone
• Vibrators
• Cock rings
• Swallowing cum
• Period sex
• Food play
• Foot play
• Handcuffs
• Cuckolding
The list goes on! And it can getdetailed.
Next to each item, you&39;ll have the opportunity to write in your own personal interest level:
• Yes (I&39;m into it or willing to try it)
• No (Not for me/not open to it)
•Maybe (I could be interested with more conversation, information, and/or in a specific situation)
Some versions of the Yes/No/Maybe list—like this onefrom AASECTcertified sex therapistJessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST—also feature a fourth option: open to fantasizing about it but not actually doing it IRL (which is an important and often helpful distinction "because many people are aroused by the idea of certain acts but wouldn&39;t want to actually do it," she tells mbg.)
Each person will fill out their copy of the list separately and in private—and the privacy is key here because you want to feel open to answer totally honestly without feeling influenced by the way your partner reacts to a certain line item.
After you each complete the worksheet by yourselves, that&39;s when you&39;ll then come together to review your responses together and look for areas of overlap that you can explore together if you so choose.
Why sex therapists love it.
The activity is oftenrecommended by sex therapistsbecause it allows partners to easily get to know each other&39;s most intimate desires, exposes them to new ideas they may not have considered but find intriguing, and gives them an easy way to bring up a kinky interest that perhaps they haven&39;t been able to talk about thus far.
"I think these are wonderful tools to explore erotic interests, but they are even better to open conversation," Zimmerman adds.
That is, in addition to being a great source of inspiration, perhaps the biggest benefit of the Yes/No/Maybe list is that it simplyopens up the lines of communication.
Couples can sometimes go years without ever meaningfully talking about their sex life, and it does them a great disservice. We know from research that people whotalk more about sextend to have more satisfying sex lives, whereas those who have less sexual communication tend to enjoy their sex life less, too.
