Giving consent is when you clearly agree to take part in any sexual activity.
If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says ‘maybe’ this isn’t consent. Having sex without consent is wrong and illegal.
You always have the right to say no to any form of sexual activity. And you can agree to do something then change your mind – everyone has the right to do this, even if you are in a longterm relationship or married.
Giving and getting consent may feel awkward. But being able to share what you feel comfortable with will make the experience of sex more enjoyable.
What is consent?
Themeaning of consentis when someone clearly understands what they are doing and agrees to a sexual activity, this is called informed consent. Sex without informed consent is wrong and illegal.
If you feel pressured to have sex or too afraid to say no that’s not OK, and is a sign of anunhealthy relationship. This is a common situation that many young people face, especially when they are in arelationship with someone older.
What is rape?
UN Womendefinesrapeas: “Any nonconsensual vaginal, anal or oral penetration of a sexual nature of the body of another person with any bodily part or object, including through the use of physical violence and by putting the victim in a situation where they cannot say no or they have to comply because of fear. This can be by any person known or unknown to the survivor, within marriage and relationships, and during armed conflict.”
Rape and sexual assault are illegal and are acts of physical, psychological and emotional violation inflicted on someone without their consent.
Not all cases of sexual assault involve violence, cause physical injury or leave visible marks. Unless both people have made it absolutely clear to the other person that they want to have sex – then you can’t be sure it is consensual.
Sexual assault can cause severe distress, emotional harm and injuries which can&39;t be seen – all of which can take a long time to recover from. To keep each other safe, it is important we all practice asking for consent every time.
For children under the age of consent it doesn’t matter if they agree to the sex, it will always be illegal to have sex with them. In other words, it is rape. The age of consent differs per country, for example the age of consent in South Africa is 16 and in Ethiopia it is 18.
Please see the indetail tabfor more on what to do if you’ve been raped.
How does consent work?
Whether you’re getting closer and about to start having sex or you’re already ‘in the moment’, consent is all about good communication.
Giving consent can look like:
clearly agreeing to a sexual activity either by saying yes, or something else positive like “I’d like to try that”
using physical cues, like letting out a sigh of enjoyment, responding with a similar touch or looking your partner in the eye and smiling.
Getting consent can look like:
asking “Is this okay?” and getting a clear and positive response
talking about what you do and don’t want to do before you start.
Consent is NOT:
ignoring when someone says no
assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for more
when someone is under the legal age of consent (a law that states how old someone has to be to legally consent to have sex) – this is classified as child abuse or rape
when someone is not able to make a choice because of drugs or alcohol
when someone feels pressured into having sex.
Remember, you should not assume that your partner will want to have sex just because you’ve had sex with them before – you need to get informed consent every time you are intimate with someone!
What if I want to say no to sex but I can’t?
Many girls grow up being told that saying “no” to men is wrong. This can make it really difficult to say no to sexual activities, even if you want to.
But remember, everyone has the right to say no to any form of sexual activity. It doesn’t matter who the other person is, whether it’s your first time with them, you’re married or in a longterm relationship, or what you’ve done with them or others before.
What if I say yes to sex then change my mind?
It’s fine! Remember, you can say “no” (withdraw your consent) at any stage – you don’t have to have a reason. Your partner should respect your decision and stop straight away.
What if I want to say yes to one thing but no to another?
Giving consent for one type of sexual activity doesn’t mean you’re giving consent to go further. Agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to them taking your clothes off, for example.
What if someone doesn’t actually say the word no?
They may say it in other ways, like “not right now”, “I’m not sure”, or they might stay silent. Their body language might also be a signal – they may turn away, curl up, or not respond.
Sometimes our bodies will be turned on but we don’t want to be touched. But even if a penis is erect or the vagina is wet – it’s not an automatic invitation. That’s why it’s always important to check.
Is sex important in a relationship?
Sex can be a fun, satisfying and bonding part of a romantic relationship. But sex is only one aspect of a good relationship and having sex is not proof of love or guarantee of fidelity. If your partner doesn’t want to have sex remember that they are saying no to sex, not to you.
You don’t have to have sex if you are in a relationship – you still have the right to say no.
This is true no matter what sort of relationship it is, whether you’re married or in a longterm relationship, or if you’ve had this type of sex with that person before. It is always okay to say no if you want to.
Do you always have to have sex in a romantic relationship?
You always have the right to say no to any form of sex or sexual activity – it doesn’t matter who the other person is, what your relationship is, what you’ve done with them, or others, in the past.
Giving your consent and getting your partner’s consent may feel awkward, and in longterm relationships people can forget to check. But the only way to really know what you’re both agreeing to is to keep communicating. Ultimately, sex is about communication and can and should be a positive and pleasurable experience when it’s based on mutual consent.
Sex without consent is a crime whatever your relationship to the other person is.
Sex should not be used to show strength: forcing someone to have sex does not make a man more manly. And having sex when you don’t want to is never something you should do to be a ‘good’ partner, which is something a lot of women have been brought up to believe.
unhealthy relationship
If you feel pressured to have sex or feel too afraid to say no, that’s not okay. This is called sexual coercion and it is a sign of an.
What about sex in marriage?
If you’re married to someone it doesn’t give them the right to do what they want to you – or you to them. If you say no to something, or show that you don’t consent, and your husband or wife ignores you then what they are doing is wrong.
Should you have sex with your partner to please them?
Whether you have sex or not is your decision – and your decision alone. If any of these phrases sound familiar your partner may be pressuring you into having sex:
“You would if you loved me"
“Everyone else is doing it!”
“It will make our relationship stronger”
“You’ll have to do it sometime – why not now, with me?”
“You’ll like it once we do it.”
How can I look after my sexual and reproductive health when I’m forced to have sex?
If you’ve been raped (forced to have sex) and they didn’t use a condom you can go to your healthcare provider and ask foremergency contraceptive(the morning after pill) so that you don’t get pregnant andPEP, to reduce the risk of getting HIV.
contraceptive options
If you are in a relationship and your partner refuses to wear a condom or use birth control then it is a good idea to talk to a healthcare professional. There are lots ofthat you can use without telling your partner, and you can protect yourself from HIV by using.
